An Explanation.

I honestly have no idea why I'm actually setting up a blog to record all my ramblings and random reflections. I mean, really. The blog's title is an indication in itself, I can already tell that I'm going to have a love/hate relationship with this little space of the internet.

See, the blog's title is nothing but the French translation of 'behind the glass panes'. We all have different coping mechanisms. Sometimes those systems become so ingrained in who we are - and mind you, even who we always aspire to be - that they become part and parcel of our identity. That is precisely the case with me.

I see myself as a person who willingly surrounds herself with four glass panes. I can see people through them, and people see me, but when they come too close they realise there's the glass pane that keeps them from getting nearer.

I can't quite pin down when I started this whole glass pane thing. All I know is that I've been at it for so long, it has truly marked most of my years of existence. Neither can I decide whether I love or hate it. In reality, I have to admit that I wouldn't be where I am today without the safety of my glass panes. Nor would I be who I am today. Then again, these glass panes can be very misleading to those outside and it drives them away thinking I'm indifferent to their presence. 

There was a phase of my life where I hated the panes with a passion. I kept blaming my coping strategies for all the wrong in my life, for the people I've lost on this journey, for not having had the courage to do what I always wanted to do. So I decided to send these panes for a short holiday. 

It didn't work. I struggled to keep the glass panes down for almost two entire years - maybe even slightly more, I don't feel like counting - but it was like asking a computer to run on the wrong operating system. So these panes are back, and they're going nowhere.

This is 'Derrière Les Vitres', the thoughts of a girl behind glass panes.